Huffamoose – …and That’s When the Golf Ball hit me in the Head – Lyrics

Huffamoose ...and thats when the golf ball hit me in the head Lyrics

Lyrics (download here)

01 Send Out Your New Song (by Craig Elkins)
Send out your new song, send out your new song
Send it to your list of people who can help
Send it to a friend who you know will reply
And tell ya how great it is, send out your new song
Act like it’s no big deal when you send out your new song
It’s only a rough mix and you’re still working on the chorus
Engineer your email to elicit a response
Don’t let em off the hook
When you send out your new song
You’re trying to keep the dream alive
And your confidence is running low
You need a helping hand
From your fan base

02 Summer (by Craig Elkins)
You’ll have a good summer cuz I know that you will
You blink and then it’s over
You’ll learn a few lessons and you’ll work on your tan
A tan is so inviting
The girls will love you even if it’s only for your skin
They won’t see the wonderful person that is within
So carpe diem that shit while you got the chance
Before you look like I do in your underpants
You’ll work as a waiter at a restaurant in town
And make a ton of new friends
Who’ll treat you like shit for the first few weeks or so
But then they’ll let you in and
You’ll learn how one shift drink can be turned into five
You’ll get your drink on
You’ll go to a party and you’ll hang out with Beth
The waitress that just started
She’s home for the summer and she’s staying at her dad’s
And you’re not the first boyfriend that she’s ever had
As a matter of fact she’s still technically dating Ian
Who doesn’t know she’s home yet but she can’t wait to see him
This confuses you and so you take another hit
Of some really really truly super nasty shit
Beth, I think I love you. Beth, I think I do. Beth, I really do, Beth, think I love you.
I pulled up in my Lexus and it felt pretty good
Nothing but leather
Handed my keys to the valet with a nod
That said we both know I’m down
Adjusted my ear piece and I made a few calls
Checking on my investments
Caught my reflection in a window and saw
My dad staring back at me
And that’s when the golf ball hit me in the head
That I’m further away from 20 than I am to dead
And the stitching in my jeans got up and disappeared
And the white replaced the red in my 3 day old beard
And now everywhere I go the youngins call me sir
And no matter what I want I get what I deserve.

03 Son of a Gun (by Kevin Hanson)
Angels in the snow
Are devils in disguise
Every snowflake has a twin
Once it liquifies
We swirled like autumn leaves
As high as Georgia pines
Even stars fall through the clouds
Once they’ve lost their shine
On the horizon appears a disguised silhouette of a son of a gun
Do you see me now
Runnin blind
Do you see me now
Show me a sign
The barbed wire around my tongue
And the electric fence around your heart
Just background noise from stubborn boys that fades to oblivion
I miss that sound
I never told you about the dream
Where the family was a funk-soul band
With velvet jumpsuits sequined out and open at the neck
Like the Osmonds
With afros
All of our fortunes are leftover portions
I’ll settle for riches within
Chorus

04 Don’t Look Now (by Kevin Hanson)
So long amber waves of grain
In crimson sunset
So long purple mountains, too
The Lamp Is Low on
Lady Liberty
Don’t look now
Holy cow
Someone turned the church into a stable
Not my pig
Not my farm
But I can’t let this monkey turn the tables
Agent Orange fades into a fable
America The Beautiful
“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning
to breathe free”
Burn a cross, build a wall, divide the classes
Hire the fox to watch the henhouse
Lock your wife inside the penthouse
Stash a pitchfork near the border
Throw red meat at your supporter
Takes one crack to break a dam
Soon you’ll all be on the lam
And we will hear freedom ring
From sea to shining sea

05 Restaurant Manager (by Craig Elkins)
I will be a restaurant manager and we will
Live in a house close to the restaurant where I work
So I can walk home for lunch, see the baby
And kiss the woman that I love so completely
Days off, I’ll take your mother to her appointments
And she’ll change her mind about me, slowly
And my dad’ll help me build a deck in the back yard
And you’ll bring us refreshments
This is what you’re gonna miss
Our kids’ll get into some trouble of course they will
But they’ll straighten up and become good people
Cuz they were raised right
And their kids’ll be raised right too
And they’ll love you
Who wouldn’t, you were beautiful
This is what you’re gonna miss

06 Oh, Whiskey (by Kevin Hanson)
Oh whiskey
Why do you punish me so
Why can’t you ever let go
Whisky
Hey whiskey
Why do you always obsess
How’d we get into this mess
In the first place
Good things come without warning
Meet me in the morning for a quick one
You’ve got the right stuff don’t you
Master of deception, here’s one more for your collection.
You are not alone
You’re not all alone
Oh whiskey
Why must you make such a fuss
I’m only thinking of us and the
Fruits of our labors
Oh whiskey
What made you juggle those plates
Pry off the Barbie Doll legs
In front of the neighbors
Bad things come without warning
So meet me in the basement for a quick one
You got the right stuff, don’t you?
Do not exaggerate the thread count in the fabric of your cosmos

07 Devolution (by Craig Elkins)
What’s happening to my eyebrows
Does anybody else have this condition?
Ain’t nothin left but remnants
Of a once proud and viral brow
What’s happening to my ass crack
It appears to be migrating north
I can barely bend over
To begin with and when i do
What’s happening to my memory
How’d it get so far gone?
Why’d this lyric fall to pieces
And become a shadow of a better song?
What’s happening to my essence
I’m not so sure I want to evolve
And I don’t want my friends to either
Is it just me or does it feel like
We’re all born Coltranes
And we turn ourselves
Into Kenny Gs

08 Melinda Marion (by Craig Elkins)
Melinda Marion
Wherefore art thou
Last time we spoke
You’d moved to Florida
You were working at a bank
Making bank
Driving a new car
Melinda Marion
A couple of years ago
I saw you at the mall
You looked the same
You seemed pressed for time
And I know that you saw me, I do
And that you pretended not to.
Melinda Marion
That window of time
When worlds are allowed to collide
Could not have been spent
With anyone more alive
Or more funny or mischievous
And I miss you
I hope you’re doing OK
And I miss the me that belonged to us

09 Birds (by Kevin Hanson)
Love birds
Perched up in the treetops
Like a couple of spotted owls
Take a gander at the lovebirds
Soaring like eagles
That fly into the sun
Well, the folks like you and
Merrily merrily hollering olly oxen free
Yes the folks like you and me
Cuz they’re happy when people look happy together
Like the birds of an endangered feather
We’re the birds of an endangered feather
Listen to the lovebirds warbling like sparrows
The whistles turn to trills
Listen to the lovebirds
Circling like buzzards
Until they dive in for the kill
Well, the folks like you and
Merrily merrily hollering olly oxen free
Yes the folks like you and me
Cuz they’re happy when people look happy together
Like the birds of an endangered feather
We’re the birds of an endangered feather
Song bird
Fly by fighting
The song remains the same until the nibbling turns to biting
As the crow flies
Hell bent for leather
Cuz they’re happy when people look happy together…
Like the birds of an endangered feather

10 Wind Outta My Sails (by Craig Elkins)
I recently set myself on fire
And lived to tell the tale
An interested party asked me why now
But i couldn’t answer
His t-shirt collar
Chest hair pouring out
White as the driven snow
And it made me wanna lie
And disappear all over again
My ungroomed middle aged friend
Taking the wind outa my sails
But i managed to get out of my head
And play him a new song
He asked me what else I’d been working on
But i couldn’t answer
His t-shirt collar
Chest hair pouring out
White as the driven snow
And it made me wanna lie
And disappear all over again
My ungroomed middle aged friend
Taking the wind outa my sails
I rent a small 2 bedroom house
In the San Fernando Valley
Things haven’t worked out the way I thought
Or hoped they would
But I love my family
And I love my friends
Even the ones who neglect to trim their chest hair
Life keeps handing me a round stone
And i wanna, but I can’t skim it home
I just throw it and pretend
Taking the wind outta my sails.

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